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About Me Member Shadow Deviant themusicman9018/Male/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 2 Years
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Statistics 8 Deviations
148 Comments
1,037 Pageviews

Go Go Emo

Wed Nov 11, 2009, 12:53 AM
  • Mood: Miserable
  • Listening to: I think its like 3 FM radio stations at once.
  • Reading: Recommend Something
  • Watching: Greek and Big Bang Theory
  • Playing: Tales of Symphonia
Those of you who may know me from high school will remember the theme of this journal post. I am feeling like shit.

All my life things have happened, mostly without huge effort on my part. College was supposed to change that. I've been thrown into failing situations and was expected to do what was necessary to dig myself out. I didn't. I got out of the class and moved on.

I heard today from a friend from high school that I haven't changed at all. Specifically that I don't try. At first, I disagreed. I thought I had made good progress at getting out socially and making friends. Turns out I really haven't. I'm still unable to talk to the girls that I know will be recurring characters in my life for fear of pushing them away and, in that abstention, alienate them. I fail at what really matters to me. Interacting with people.

Everything I do is more fun with people around. They don't have to participate, but the idea that they're around me is comforting and relaxing. I can't make it happen. I have to latch onto others and associate with their friends.

I find myself pretending that I'm happy until nights like these where I turn everything off, go to bed, and lie awake thinking for three hours about how I need to turn my life around, but never do come morning. I don't know what I'm waiting for, or looking for in comments, but I hope it comes.

I take pride in my work, but rarely do it. I put forth effort, but forget to finish. I live a hypocrisy. I want to change it, but I don't know how to start it. I've tried to take more active approaches, tried to be bold and outgoing, but find myself wishing that someone would show something back.

deviantID

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: GMU
  • Interests: Music, little writing
  • Favourite movie: That Thing You Do
  • Favourite band or musician: Death Cab for Cutie, Cute is What We Aim For, Forever the Sickest Kids
  • Favourite genre of music: Indie
  • Favourite poet or writer: Tamora Pierce
  • Operating System: Vista
  • MP3 player of choice: Ipod 80 gig
  • Shell of choice: Red Koopa
  • Skin of choice: No tricking me into being racist dA!
  • Favourite game: VP: Lenneth / Monster Hunter Freedom
  • Favourite gaming platform: PSP
  • Personal Quote: "I mean..."
  • Tools of the Trade: Keyboard, 80gB Ipod, pens/pencils, bass guitar, etc

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Comments


:iconsnea:
what up.
Hey, whats going on? 23/female.. come chat with me on this website CLICK HERE

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My 100 Themes
:iconmurasaki-rose:
Thanks for the stalkage! ^_^

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":shakefist: I don't give a damn what anyone says, the boys from Yu-Gi-Oh and Dragonball Z were made for fangirls."

"What can I say? :shrug: I have a weakness for men with long hair." :petting:
:iconthemusicman90:
of course. i've been a long time fan of the asylum.

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Each time that one loves is the only time one has ever loved. - Oscar Wilde in The Picture of Dorian Gray.
:iconmurasaki-rose:
Really?! That's awesome! :blush:

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":shakefist: I don't give a damn what anyone says, the boys from Yu-Gi-Oh and Dragonball Z were made for fangirls."

"What can I say? :shrug: I have a weakness for men with long hair." :petting:
:iconthemusicman90:
yup. actually did some help-ish work a while ago. basically did lotsa work on the gt section of floor 1. remember me? :D

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Each time that one loves is the only time one has ever loved. - Oscar Wilde in The Picture of Dorian Gray.
:iconmurasaki-rose:
Holy crap! :faint:

Wow, it's been awhile, how've you been?

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":shakefist: I don't give a damn what anyone says, the boys from Yu-Gi-Oh and Dragonball Z were made for fangirls."

"What can I say? :shrug: I have a weakness for men with long hair." :petting:
:iconfoxxfireart:
Thanks for the devWatch. Danke!!

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Sometimes I even amaze myself. :meditation:
:iconalk3girl666:
SCOTT!!

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"My true compassion is for all living things, not just the ones that are cute"
:iconthemusicman90:
HOMG ITS CHRISTI! i'ma be back in like. a week. we have to hang out.

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Each time that one loves is the only time one has ever loved. - Oscar Wilde in The Picture of Dorian Gray.

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